I don't quite know why; but everything seems to be an uphill struggle at the moment.
I guess I can be forgiven for being in a total shit state considering everthing has gone to shit at home and I seem to be spending more and more time drunk up here. I fucking hate empathy. I have this fucking aweful ability to give a shit about others and when I found out my brother was being charged with murder and all the crap that my mum is going through back home -What can I do?! Fucking nothing, that's what.
At the moment i'm feeling really isolated. I can't seem to get myself out of this hole.
The thing is I have been in holes like this before, But I slug myway though them and try and come out at the other side, with something learned, etc..
But is there a light at the end of the tunnel? because I'm beginning to believe that what you find at the end of the tunnel isn't a light, it isn't even toontown.. it's just another tunnel, with another problem and another load of shit to deal with.
I can't even think about Touch Down at the moment either. I've tried to throw myself into it, but I just want to scream "why's it fucking taking sooo long?!?!" The thing is I know the answer to that question.. but that doesn't seem to stop me from asking myself it over and over...
So I've been trying to teach myself how to build the website in flash, and so far I can make a fucking stoopid line move across the screen.
I went to the cinema today to see Hot Fuzz, which was pretty good, and normally going to the cinema really helps me get over what ever shit I am going through.. no such luck, i'm afraid. So I thought if I went to see Alex might help. I had to stop myself from bursting into tears in front of him and left.
So, at home as I write this I'm going to drop and e. drink and bottle of Jacobs Creek's finest and have a few lines of coke.
This is my path of self destruction. (Well, just for the next few hours) Lets hope that Carl the dealer can do what Simon Pegg couldn't.