I think I've found what I'm looking for...

A while ago I wrote a blog called The Search Without A Map . It was important for me to get away from Bedford because Bedford was changing me. I'd adopted a position of agony aunt, servant, and pushover. And frankly, that's not who I am. I'm passionate, caring and honest. And I came to Manchester to find myself and prepare to go travelling. Meeting Mike and my experiences working on Touch Down, have brought me back to my roots. Brought me back to me. Don't ask me how, I can't even tell you the moment I looked at myself in the mirror and said "there you are.." I had a long chat with Alex last night and he really helped me make sense of everything. I told him how I'd told Dave that I was still in love with him, and how we both wished we'd given it another go. But I needed to be here to realise that I have the confidence to love and be loved. Because that confidence had been stripped from me while I was in Bedford. Alex understood, and dispite Kat believing that I should cease all contact with him, so I can feel comfortable jumping into bed with some skank, It has occurred to me, that as I feel myself changing, growing up and reverting back the person I was before 2003, that she has no idea of who I am. She knows a vulmerable agony aunt and pushover who has been given the opportunity to follow a life long dream; But what I don't think she realises is that, This opportunity is a catalyist for something much bigger. And, unfortunatly, I fear that it will drive a wedge between us and that as I grow in confidence, the gap in age will become far more apparent. I guess, I'm waiting for a change in attitude. But I'm not sure. i'm not


I have officially stopped smoking weed. I don't want it, I don't like what it does to me. But six Months ago, there was nothing better than picking up a henry a packet of pringles and throwing on some Doctor Who. But now, I feel like that would just hinder me, hold me back and slowly destroy me.

lets, just say, In the immortal words of U2... I think I found what I'm looking for....