Sunday 25 March 2007

Insecurities






Its been an interesting few days. On Thursday I went to Pinewood studios to meet with a producer and director about working on a Feature Film, It seemed to go well and word is that they have not seen anyone else for the job, but it is a couple of hundred miles away and I don't drive. That's the only thing going against me I think.
I went out with some people from the film and Kat on Friday night, which was a lot of fun, I drunk way too much and the end of the evening is a little bit of a blur. Before meeting the guys I was already on it with Andy and Kev and his friend Leona, we went to Tribeca for lunch and the queer for one before going to see '300' at the IMAX. looks great, but there is not else much there.


After trying to get over my hangover on Saturday Mike and I went to see a cut of the film. It's still in it's early stages, but the content is defiantly there and the film looks and sounds great. Its quite heavy and even though it's 10/11 mins long, it only feels like 4 or 5, so It's one you'd want to see again, I think. So I'm confident we are onto some thing special.

Next week is my last week working for Carillion. I was supposed to finish at the end of April, but because productivity has been high a good number of us have had our contracts cut by a month. Which is a bit of a shit. funny how you think somethings are true, and you find out later that you're being strung along. It seems to happen in varying parts of my life, and I'm becoming quite wise to it.

I know what is curse is. Passion. It's both a gift and a curse.
I throw myself whole heartily into things, and it's been shaping my personality for years now. For example, I just couldn't come out, I exploded out. I can't quietly fancy someone, I fall in love with them. I have such strong emotions at times that I feel really let down by people, when they probably haven't done anything wrong. And recently, I've been feeling a lot more insecure and isolated. It's a strange thing to want something so much and have a feeling that it wont come off. Touch Down is a project that I've worked harder on than anything else, I've spend ages putting elements of the website together, a lot of them being vetoed and I guess I'm scared of loosing it. I've tip toed around people and bitten my tongue as I know that in the past I have screwed things up by opening my mouth when I shouldn't. I've seen the film once in a rough cut form and honestly, now, I can't remember any of it.

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